Television and Violence by Connect with Kids

“I think when people play video games and people watch videos and they see violence a lot, it just becomes natural to them and it just doesn't seem bad anymore, and it really is.”

– Donovan, 15

New research about the influence of media violence on children may offer a startling new way to predict who will grow up to be a violent adult: find out how much violence on television and in the movies children watched when they were 6, 8 or 10 years old.

When they watch television, movies and video games, Benford and his buddies are impressed by the violence.

“I just think it’s pretty cool -- blow up somebody,” says Benford, 16.

“Just stuck him on a hook and it came through the stomach,” says Seth, 15.

“And his guts go everywhere,” says Benford.

How powerful is media violence? Researchers at the University of Michigan have been tracking more than 800 children for more than 40 years. They started in 1960 and they found that the more young children were exposed to media violence, the more likely they were to end up as violent adults. In fact, media violence was a better predictor of later crime and violence than poverty, substance abuse or even abusive parents.

“Television is on in the average American home about eight hours a day. At the same time, people are engaged in what we call interpersonal familial conversations with one another for about four minutes a day. So where are they getting their messages? Clearly they’re getting their messages from the media,” says Art Silverblatt, PhD, professor of communications.

Experts say the message is that violence is normal.

“They become desensitized to aggression and violence. And I think that the more they’re exposed to it as well, the more they’re likely to use that form of behavior to solve problems,” says Jennifer Kelly, Ph.D., psychologist.

“I think when people play video games and people watch videos and they see violence a lot, it just becomes natural to them and it just doesn’t seem bad anymore, and it really is,” says Donovan, 15.

Experts say parents can’t eliminate all media violence in a child’s life, but they can use a violent scene to teach kids about the reality of it.

“Talk about what you think happened to that person’s family … the mourning that occurred and how the parents or somebody else’s life could be changed as a result of this aggressive violent act,” says Kelly.

Tips for Parents
Advice from the National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF):
Limit game-playing time to no more than one hour per day.
Play with your child to become familiar with the games.
Provide alternative ways for your child to spend time.
Require that homework and jobs be done first; use video game playing as a reward.
Do not put a video game set in a child’s room where he/she can shut the door and isolate himself/herself.
Talk about the content of the games.
Ask your video store to require parental approval before a violently rated video game can be rented by children.

When buying video games for your child, it is important to purchase games targeted to his/her age group. The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) rates every video and computer game for age appropriateness (located on the front of the packaging) and, when appropriate, labels games with content descriptions. The ESRB’s current rating standard is as follows:

EC – Early Childhood (3 and older)
E – Everyone (6 and older)
E10+ – Everyone (10 and older)
T – Teens (13 and older)
M – Mature audiences (17 and older)
AO – Adults Only
RP – Rating Pending

Talk to other parents. Find out which games other parents like and dislike, as well as which games they let your child play when he/she visits their house. This is a good way to learn about the games that your child enjoys and those that other parents approve of, and to let other parents know which games you do not want your child playing. (ESRB)

Know your child. Different children handle situations differently. Regardless of age, if your child becomes aggressive or unsettled after playing violent video games, don’t buy games with violence in them. Likewise, if your child likes playing games with characters that look like him/her, purchase games with characters that fit the bill. (ESRB)

References

National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF)
The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB)

Parents Learn About Online Safety

By: TAMMIE SLOUP, www.mywebtimes.com

Parents, get with the times.

That was Sarah Migas' opening message during a presentation about online safety Thursday night at Ottawa Township High School.

Social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook and Internet chat rooms and instant messaging are becoming increasingly popular means for children and teenagers to socialize. While they have their positives, digital technology also can be dangerous.

"Kids are seeing the Internet as the wild wild West," said Migas, an Internet safety specialist with the Illinois Attorney General's Office.

Migas and Daniel Spillman, assistant attorney general with the high tech crimes bureau, talked to a handful of audience members, introducing what they referred to as a "travel guide" for parents to navigate their way through some of these social networking sites and learn the languages being used by children to communicate.

Migas said acronyms often are used amongst bloggers and instant messengers and are not always familiar to parents, who should be monitoring their children's online activities.

"It's like going to another country; you've got to learn the places and the language so you can keep up with the kids because predators know where the kids are," Migas said.

She pointed to examples such as A/S/L, which means age, sex, location. Predators can easily find a person with just that bit of information. Also, she cautioned parents about the acronym POS, which means parents over shoulder.

Internet chat rooms, sites people can access to discuss various topics in real time, also present possible dangerous encounters with predators.

Oftentimes, children will stumble upon sites because they're curious about the titles, and find themselves looking at sexually explicit photos, or conversations, without meaning to.

"And if your child actually talks to you about it, they should be praised. Often they are scared to talk because they're scared their computer privileges will be revoked," Migas said.

Spillman stressed he and Migas aren't trying to give out parenting advice, but threatening to yank the child's computer time away often hampers the child's willingness to open up about their Internet activities.

Online predators often will use what is referred to as "grooming" techniques to establish a relationship with a child, often times offering compliments about the child's looks or sympathizing with their problems.

Predators also are taking advantage of Web cams, soliciting children to take off their clothes by blackmailing them with personal information the predator threatens to share with the child's school or parents.

"These guys know how to get a hook in them and reel them in," Spillman said.

According to statistics, one in seven children will be approached online for sexual content. In the majority of cases, the predators are men.

While law enforcement does have the power to criminally charge predators, and authorities constantly monitor possibly dangerous encounters, Migas and Spillman said that's not enough eyes to protect children.

"We rely on parents," Migas said.

Keep the computer in an open area. Ask children about their Internet activities and monitor their social networking sites. Parents also can check recent activities on the computer by accessing the Internet history account in the control panel of the computer.

Blogs also have grown in popularity.

"Basically a blog is an online journal," Migas said, warning, "If you wouldn't want your grandma to see the pictures or read the content, don't post it."

Digital technology also has spurred what is deemed, "cyberbullying."

Instead of bullies preying on their victims in the halls of school or at the park, the tormenting is taking place online -- where the threats and harassment can be seen by anyone around the world.

"It's easy because they feel anonymous, and they don't see the reactions of the victims," Migas said.

Children can no longer take refuge in their homes from bullies.

"It can happen anywhere, anytime," Migas said.

According to statistics provided, more than 40 percent of children are bullied online at some point.

When a child feels threatened or harassed online, Migas and Spillman said the incident should be reported to parents and-or police. Also, any evidence should be printed and saved, and children should not retort in any way, as it can worsen the situation.

While many of the social networking sites do have safety measures, predators often find a way around them. Law enforcement also continues to monitor the Internet, but Internet dangers will be an ongoing issue in which authorities need the help of parents to fight.

"Unfortunately, I don't think this bureau will go under," Migas said of the attorney general's high tech crimes bureau.


Internet acronyms parents should know:

AITR: Adult In The Room

P911: Parent Emergency

PAW: Parents Are Watching

PIR: Parent In Room

POS: Parent Over Shoulder

MOS: Mom Over Shoulder

MIRL: Meet In Real Life

S2R: Send To Receive (pictures)

CD9: Code 9 (parents are around)

E or X: Ecstasy (the drug)

ASL(R P): Age Sex Location (Race / Picture)

TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me

(Sue Scheff) Teen Internet Addiction

For more information on Teen Internet Addiction click here.

Internet Safety Websites to help educate parents to protect their children from Internet Predators:

SafeKids.com - http://www.safekids.com
Wired Safety - http://www.wiredsafety.org
I-Safe - http://www.isafe.org
I Keep Safe - http://ikeepsafe.org/--index.php

Sue Scheff: Cyberbullying and Suicide by Connect with Kids

“Days after Ryan’s death, I got the courage to go back into his room and for whatever reason, I thought his computer might unravel some of the mystery. So I sat down at his compute...”

– John Halligan, Ryan’s father

Today, several states are considering legislation that would make cyberbullying a crime. This is in response to the suicide of 13-year-old Megan Meier, who hung herself in October 2006 after she was hoaxed, harassed and humiliated online. The bully in Megan’s case turned out to be a 47-year-old woman -- a neighbor who won’t be prosecuted criminally because there’s no law that she violated. Megan’s parents want to change that.

The Halligans, whose son Ryan also committed suicide after being bullied online, understand this issue all too well.

It was 6:30 a.m. … morning routine at the Halligans. Ryan’s older sister opened the bathroom door.

“I felt like I couldn’t get any words out. All I could say was, ‘Ryan, dead. Ryan, dead. Bathroom.’ I couldn’t put a sentence together,” says Ryan’s sister, Megan Halligan, 18.

Ryan didn’t leave a note, but his dad found some clues.

“Days after Ryan’s death, I got the courage to go back into his room and for whatever reason, I thought his computer might unravel some of the mystery. So I sat down at his computer,” says John Halligan, Ryan’s father.

Halligan found hundreds of saved instant message (IM) conversations. John reads one that was written two weeks before Ryan died:

“It started off with the other boy starting the conversation, saying, ‘is this the last time I’m going to hear you complain?’ And, ‘you’re finally going to kill yourself?’ was the question. And my son said, ‘Yep.’ And the other boy replied, ‘Phew, it’s about F-‘n time.’ And my son replied back, ‘You’ll hear about it in the papers tomorrow.’”

Recent surveys show that 42 percent of kids have been bullied online. One in four has been bullied more than once, and 58 percent of those bullied never said a word to their parents. That’s why, experts say, parents should keep computers out in the open where they can read what’s on the screen. Parents also should talk with their children about cyberbullying, set up clear rules for communicating online, and learn who they are IMing and chatting with.

Even with precautions like these, cyberbullying can find its way into your child’s life. The Bryants, whose daughter, Erica, was also bullied online, learned that just because your kids are home doesn’t mean they’re safe.

“It was in my own home, but even in my own home, I wasn’t safe,” says Erica Bryant, now 18.

“I hated instant messaging. I hated the power it had to get in our house and hurt her,” says Linda Perloff, Erica’s mother.

“I’d also like to warn parents that you need to dig a little deeper in your child’s life, especially if they’re withdrawing from you. Take the time to snoop, if you will, into your child’s life,” says Kelly Halligan, Ryan’s mother.

Tips for Parents

Depression associated with Internet addiction comes not from the technology itself, but from the loss of other connections in a person’s life. Parents should be concerned if kids are not spending time with friends. (Eddie Reece, M.S., L.P.C., psychotherapist)

Instead of forcing kids to get off the computer, try engaging them in conversation. Start by showing interest in what your child is doing online. Curiosity is an excellent healing approach. Once you have the child talking, you can suggest more fulfilling activities. (Eddie Reece, M.S., L.P.C., psychotherapist)

Although the Internet can be a dangerous place, parents should not become overly fearful and ban kids from using the computer. Realize your child’s future success depends on being savvy with technology. (Kathleen Fitzgerald, director, CyberCamps)

Parents need to become involved in their children’s Internet use. Go online with your child. Teach them to make smart decisions online. (Kathleen Fitzgerald, Director, CyberCamps)
Chat rooms are among the most dangerous places on the web. (James Murray, Police Chief, Peachtree City, GA)

References

American Psychological Association
Eddie Reece, M.S., L.P.C., psychotherapist
Kathleen Fitzgerald, Director, CyberCamps
James Murray, Police Chief, Peachtree City, GA

Parent's Universal Resource Experts & Sue Scheff: Coping with Cell Phone Addiction from Psych Central by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

As cellphones have become prevalent in modern society, some people have a significant issue with not being able to disengage from their cell phone. So-called “smart phones,” which combine functionality of an organizer, browsing the Internet, playing tunes, and taking pictures, only worsen the reliance on one’s cell phone. While using such devices for everyday tasks, work, and socializing with friends and family is perfectly normal, not being able to put them down while engaged in a conversation with your significant other or a friend who’s sitting in front of you may denote an increasing problem.

According to research on cell phone addiction, addiction danger signs included running up huge bills and having irrational reactions to being without a phone if you forgot or lost your mobile.

According to that same research, 22 percent of these people considered themselves to be heavy or very heavy users and 8 percent had experienced monthly bills that were over $500.

What to Do to Better Cope with Cell Phone Addiction
If you feel like you can’t part from your cell phone or have run up huge bills unexpectedly, don’t worry, there are some steps you can take to bring your relationship with your cell phone back down to earth.

1. Track your cellphone use. Yes, it’s a pain to do, but the more you keep track of the time you spend messaging or talking on your cellphone, the better you’ll be able to control it. Jot down in a notepad when you’re talking, messaging, or conducting other activities on the phone. Keep the journal for a week’s time, then review the amounts of time you’re spending on each activity.

2. Start the weaning. Now that you know you’re spending 10 hours a week on messaging, it’s time to start cutting back. Take it slow and start with the least important activity you use your phone for. Commit to reducing the time spent on that phone activity just 10% the first week. So if you’re spending 10 hours a week on messaging, aim for 9 hours the next week. That means being more conscious each time you’re using the phone for that activity, and trying to cut things short sooner rather than later.

3. Commit to being in the moment. One of the reasons people use their cell phones as much as they do is to be with another person in another place. That’s fine when we’re waiting in line at the post office, but less acceptable when your significant other or a friend is trying to have a conversation with you. Commit to turning the cell phone off, or at least putting it away out of sight, when engaged in a face-to-face conversation with another person. It’s not only helpful to your addiction, it’s far less rude and you may be surprised to learn you’ll regain these people’s respect.

4. You don’t need that kind of connection. So many people spend so much time on their cellphones because they believe it is a necessary part of their connections with others, or with their ability to be reached and respond instantly to any and all kinds of communications. For what purpose? If you need such hyperactive connectivity, that suggests something isn’t entirely healthy with some of those relationships to begin with. Quality social, work and romantic relationships aren’t built on 180 character sarcastic notes constantly exchanged with one another. While it’s fun for a time, it’s not going to lead to a higher-quality relationship or a better, more enjoyable life (especially if it’s creating anxiety and problems in your existing life).

5. You’re not as important as you think you are. Some people check email via their cell phone incessantly (e.g., “crackberry”) because they believe something so important might come up it requires their immediate attention. Sure, I can understand in some positions, some jobs, that’s true. But for 99.9% of people and jobs, it is not. Even if you’re the CEO of a company, there’s virtually nothing that could come up that can’t wait until you get back to the office. Remember, if it’s that important, someone will call you.

6. Turn it off. Yes, that’s right. Turn it off. There’s nothing you need to do in the middle of the night that the cell phone will alert you to that won’t be there in the morning (unless you happen to be the President, then you might want to keep your cell phone handy). By turning it off and putting it away, you’re taking back conscious control of your life and this little piece of technology. Instead of it calling to you, you’re telling it, “Hey, I’ve had enough for one day. Seeya in the morning.” Set a deadline every evening for a time to retire the technology, and then don’t check or use it again until the next morning.

7. Technology works for us, not the other way around. If technology is taking control of your life — creating stress, anxiety, arguments with other people in your life, or financial hardships — then you have a backwards relationship with technology. Technology works for us. If it’s not working for you, you’re chosen to be on the losing side of the relationship, and it’s time to put a stake in the ground and take responsibility and control for your use of the technology. Set aside specific times of the day or evening you will use your cell phone, for instance, rather than checking it every moment you get.

Cell phone addiction doesn’t have to ruin your life, your work, or your relationships with others. If these tips still don’t help, it might be a sign that cell phone addiction is more of an issue in your life than you realized. A psychotherapist who has experience in treating addictions can often help in such a case, and it is a treatment you should explore if you can’t reduce cell phone use on your own.

What's Related


Other articles by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

Understanding More about Sexual Addiction
What Is Sexual Addiction?
Is Sexual Addiction a Recognized Disorder?
More articles about holiday coping
If You Think You Have a Problem with Sexual Addiction
If Someone You Know Has a Problem with Cocaine
Helping a Person Who Is Codependent
Symptoms of Sexual Addiction
Self Quiz: Am I Addicted to Sex?
A Tale of Two Diseases

Parent's Universal Resource Experts: Sue Scheff Talks about Teen Internet Addiction

In today's society, the Internet has made its way into almost every American home. It is a well-known fact that the web is a valuable asset for research and learning. Unfortunately, it can also be a very dangerous place for teens. With social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster, chat rooms, instant messaging, and online role-playing video games, our children are at access to almost anyone. Sue Scheff, along with Parent's Universal Resource Experts, is tackling the dangers of the web.

Keeping tabs on our teens' online habits doesn't just keep them safe from online predators. More and more parents are becoming wary of the excessive hours their teens spend surfing the web, withdrawing from family, friends and activities they used to enjoy. Internet Addiction is a devastating problem facing far too many teens and their families. While medical professionals have done limited research on the topic, more and more are recognizing this destructive behavior and even more, the potential mental effects it can have.

Though the web is a great place for learning and can be safe for keeping in touch, it is important that families understand the potential risks and dangers to find a healthy balance between real and virtual life.

Sue Scheff Parenting Articles to help parents with teens

My new Blog offers articles from around the world on a variety of today's teens issues.

Teen depression, teen anger, bullying, teen suicide, teen pregnancy, and more....

Sue Scheff - Teen Internet Addiction

Is your teen spending too much time online? Are you concerned?

Read more about it here.

Wrapped in the Web - The Dangers of Internet Addiction

In today's society, the Internet has made its way into almost every American home. It is a well-known fact that the web is a valuable asset for research and learning. Unfortunately, it can also be a very dangerous place for teens. With social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster, chat rooms, instant messaging, and online role-playing video games, our children are at access to almost anyone. Sue Scheff, along with Parent's Universal Resource Experts, is tackling the dangers of the web.

Keeping tabs on our teens' online habits doesn't just keep them safe from online predators. More and more parents are becoming wary of the excessive hours their teens spend surfing the web, withdrawing from family, friends and activities they used to enjoy. Internet Addiction is a devastating problem facing far too many teens and their families. While medical professionals have done limited research on the topic, more and more are recognizing this destructive behavior and even more, the potential mental effects it can have.

Though the web is a great place for learning and can be safe for keeping in touch, it is important that families understand the potential risks and dangers to find a healthy balance between real and virtual life.

Click here for more information on Teen Internet Addiction.